You know those “on vinyl” hipster types? They don’t seem to get that something being “on vinyl” isn’t automatically enough to make it interesting. Disco Duck, Mouldy Old Dough and Star Trekkin’ all got to number one solely on vinyl sales, bought entirely by people who weren’t “being ironic”. (Have you noticed almost every time anyone uses the word “ironic”, they actually mean “sarcastic”. Which is ironic.)

The hipster 100-records-no-record-player contrarianism driving the supposed vinyl revival is now triggering a resurgence in popularity of the shittest of all formats: the cassette. Cassettes were never cool. Cassettes were never anything. There is no reason to use a cassette in 2012 other than for affectation. “Hey, look, I’ve discovered this amazing thing”. Yeah, that thing that every single person in the country owned twenty-five years ago. Idiot.

Surely the ideal format for these bell-ends (bit more “ironic retro” for you there) is something of poor quality (like cassette), and impractical fragility (like vinyl), requiring special equipment (like both). And wouldn’t it be even better if there was some genuine element of obscurity to it? Something that 90% of British households haven’t already got a box of stashed somewhere in the loft?

So, you skinny-jeaned, tramp-bearded sheep, I refer you to The Flexidisc. Stupid, pointless, contrary, and universally ignored and looked down on, just like you.

This flexi is a fairly unusual because it plays on both sides. The Muses do Fall Down, and I think it’s a different version from the one on Hunkpapa, but that could just be the surface noise and absence of high frequency. Band of Susans do Child of the Moon, which I haven’t heard before. Naturally, it sounds awful. Hipster types wouldn’t know a flexi if it jumped out of their six-quid barista macchiato, never mind know to put a normal record underneath it for optimum (yet still awful) fidelity.