Each December, I make a Christmas mixtape. The original tapes are
lost to history, but here are the track listings for the CD and
download editions that survive.
Over the years, patterns evolved, and turned into rules. A Christmas
Spacker should contain:
something good
something dreadful
something with a lot of swearing
something played on something unusual
something which is likely to offend
something lovely
something which is really just noise
something experimental
something in a foreign language
something sung by an animal
I leave it to the listener to decide in which category a song should
belong.
Christmas Spacker 2005
Big Dee Irwin and Little Eva – I Wish You a Merry Christmas
Sportique – A Little Splash Of Lime
Milly and Silly – Getting Down for Christmas
Cocteau Twins – Frosty the Snowman
Ramones – Merry Christmas (I Don’t Wanna Fight Tonight)
Cassetteboy – Happy Cliffmas
The Dickies – Silent Night
Galaxie 500 – Listen, the Snow Is Falling
Devil Dogs – I Wish it Could Be Christmas Everyday
Vic20 – A Marshmallow World
Teenage Fanclub – Christmas Eve
New Bomb Turks – Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
Gayla Peevey – I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
Cassetteboy – Simply Having…
Shonen Knife – Space Christmas
The Goodies – Father Christmas do not Touch Me
The Wedding Present – Stepping into Christmas
Tiny Tim – Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
Christmas in the Stars – R2-D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas
Pansy Division – Homo Christmas
Dressy Bessy – All the Right Reasons
Aztec Camera – Walk Out to Winter
The Sonics – Don’t Believe in Christmas
The Essex Green – Deck the Halls
Cassetteboy – Up the Chimney
Alvin and the Chipmunks – Sleigh Ride
Frank Sidebottom – Oh Come All Ye Faithful
Christmas Spacker 2006
The Chipmunks – We Wish You a Merry Christmas
The Paperbacks – Let’s Get Lit
The Goodies – Make a Daft Noise for Christmas
Holly Golightly – The Christmas Tree’s On Fire
Man, or Astroman? – Frosty the Snowman
Petty Booka – Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Low – Just Like Christmas
MJ Hibbett and the Validators – Advent Calendar of Fact
Marbles – Marbles – Gift for You
The Sixth Great Lake – Always After Christmas, Boring
Cassetteboy – Simply Having…
Mariah Carey – All I Want for Christmas
Frank Sidebottom – I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day
Gayla Peevey – I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
Oppenheimer – Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
Fat Daddy – Fat Daddy
Junior Varsity – Don’t Believe in Christmas
Amelia Fletcher and Hit Parade – Christmas Tears
Big Dee Irwin And Little Eva – I Wish You a Merry Christmas
Cassetteboy – Up the Chimney
Cocteau Twins – Winter Wonderland
Plouf! – Hangover Envy
Half Man Half Biscuit – It’s Clichéd To Be Cynical At Christmas
Shonen Knife – All I Want for Christmas
Mogul – Lonely this Christmas
Bobby Helms – Jingle Bell Rock
Frank Sidebottom – Oh Come All Ye Faithful
Christmas Spacker 2007
Dr Coca Cola McDonalds – Jazz Metal Fusion
The Nashville Superpickers – Sleigh Ride
Mae West – Put the Loot in the Boot Santa
The Rory McBrides – (We Like) Eggnog!
Tiny Tim – Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
Roger Moore – Once in Royal David’s City
The Geezinslaws – Lighten Up, it’s Christmas
Count Floyd – Reggae Christmas Eve in Transylvania
I Am the World Trade Center – The Rockefeller Tree
Junkyard Dogs – Brand New Bike
Bearsuit – Little Donkey
The Snowmen – Hokey Cokey
John Denver – Please, Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas)
Eric Cartman – Swiss Colony Beef Log
Wurlitzer Band Organ – Good King Wenceslas
Porky Pig – Blue Christmas
The Blue Hawaiians – Mele Kalikimaka
Cassetteboy – Shakin’ Through
Christmas Accordians – Winter Wonderland
Twisted Sister – Let It Snow
The Chipmunks – It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas
Moog Machine – Joy To the World
Marvin Rainwater – Get off the Stool
Yogi Yorgesson – I Give Up, What is It?
Frank Sidebottom – Oh Blimey, it’s Christmas
M.J. Hibbett And the Validators – Give Us a Kiss (For Christmas)
Petty Booka – Jingle Bells
Christmas Spacker 2008
Gary Glitter – Another Rock ‘n’ Roll Christmas
Frog Marley – Croakin’ Bells
Dan Hart – Christmas in the Nude
Hard Skin – Ding Dong Merrily Oi! Oi!
Swedish Chef – Christmas Smorgasbord
Bruce Haack – I Like Christmas
Frightened Prisoners of the Kraken – June in December
Petty Booka – Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Japanese)
The School – Kiss You in the Snow
Dr Elmo – Grandma’s Killer Fruitcake
Wat Tyler – Where’s Me F–kin’ Presents?
The Barbary Coasters – I Want a Monkey for Christmas
Jingle Smells – We Wish You a Smelly Xmas
Sool – Spicing the Christmas Cake
Sean O’Hagan – Cammy Tack
Big Tiny Little – Tiny’s Christmas Medley
The Dirtys – Cocaine Christmas
Arrogant Worms – Santas Gonna Kick Your Ass
Virginia Kegel – I Want a Boob Job for Christmas
Wild Billy Childish and the Musicians of the British Empire – Dear Santa Claus
Duke Tumatoe and the Power Trio – Christmas At Grandma’s
Brenda Lee – I’m Gonna Lasso Santa Claus
The Stools – Santa Copped a ‘Tude
Cassetteboy – I Believe in the Virgin Megastore
Mae West – Santa Come Up to See Me
The Lancashire Hotpots – Christmas in Lancashire
Richard Cheese – Holiday in Cambodia
Frank Sidebottom – Auld Lang Syne
Christmas Spacker 2009
Petty Booka – Christmas Coming
The Pocket Gods – Wnking for Christmas
Frank and Mirella – The Dingadong Christmas Song (Medley)
Shrag – Stop the Revelry
The Lines – Silver Bells
Airport Girl – Glitterball
Loretta Lynn – To Heck With Ole Santa Claus
Bootsy Collins – Jingle Belz (AKA Jingle Bells)
Cassetteboy – Nigella’s XXXmas
Lou Monte – Dominick the Donkey
Los Straight Jackets – Holiday Twist
Little Susie – Who Put the Gum in Santa’s Whiskers?
Misty’s Big Adventure – Have Yourself a Psychedelic Christmas
Candy Panic Attack – On the Dole at Christmas
Joe Pesci – If it Doesn’t Snow for Christmas
Richard Cheese – Jingle Bells
Aqua Teen Hunger Force – Santa Left a Booger in My Stocking
The Lovely Eggs – I’m Going To Build a Better Snowman Than Yours
Reverend Horton Heat – Santa Claus is Coming To Town
Babs Gonzales – Be-bop Santa Claus
Chuck Picklesimer – Reindeer for Breakfast on Christmas
Hotpants Romance – All I Want for Christmas is You
Basshunter – Jingle Bells (Christmas Version)
Homer and Jethro – Nuttin’ fer Christmas
Arrogant Worms – Dad Threw Up on Christmas Day
Carolyn Mark – The Christmas Song
Nantco Bakker – Do They Know it’s Christmas?
Christmas Spacker 2010
Sammy Kaye – Introduction
De Gouden Trompetten – Mary’s Boy Child
Luke – Ho Ho Hoes
Zoltan Kodaly School for Girls – Stop the Cavalry
Russ Abbott – We Can’t Wait for Christmas
Steve Erwin – Crocodile Christmas
The Superions – Fruitcake
Valerie Masters – Christmas Calling
Boys Next Door – The Wildest Christmas
Dame Edna – A DJ Spooky Christmas Tribute
Star Wars Christmas Album – Sleigh Ride
The Vandals – My First X-Mas (As a Woman)
Pinky and Perky – I’m a Little Christmas Cracker
Cracklebox – Winter Instrumental
The Beau Grumpus GoBEAUlins – Candy Your Cane
Bob Rivers – Toy Sack
Hello, How Are You? – Alice the Christmas Pie
South Park – Merry F–king Christmas
Homer and Jethro – Ormanents
Symfunny Orchestra – Jingle Bells
Vaginal Diarrhoea – Christmas Clyster Orgies
Christmas Accordians – Let it Snow
Adult Christmas – I Love to Choke My Chicken With My Hand
Bridge – Christmas Jam
Phil Olson and Paul Olson – Grandma Cut the Christmas Cheese
Willie Rushton – This Christmas
Richard Cheese – Christmas in Las Vegas
Reverend Horton Heat – Santa Looked a Lot Like Daddy
Port Vale – The Snowmen
The Bobby McGee’s – Sub Santalales
The Sadies – Snow Squadron
Tiny Tim – Santa Claus Has Got the AIDS This Year
Petty Booka – Mele Kalikimaka
Frank Sidebottom – Oh Come All Ye Faithful
Christmas Spacker 2011
Die Flippers – Schlittenfahrt
Cecilie Stenspil and Mia Korste – Søren Banjomus
The Pocket Gods – The Phil Spector Christmas Album
Paul Hawkins – Getting a Divorce for Christmas
Das Wanderlust – Sleigh Ride
8-Bit Weapon and ComputeHer – God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
Slow Club – Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
Kukla Fran and Ollie – Ask Fran To Sing
Grab This – Get Your Tits Out for Christmas
Kukla, Fran and Ollie – Look, It’s Snowing!
Vic Mulkey and the Blue Veins – Spank Me Santa
The Superions – Santa’s Disco
KITT the Amazing Car of Tomorrow – A Knightrider Christmas
Kay Martin and Her Body Guards – Hang Your Balls on the Christmas Tree
7 Shot Screamers – Don’t Be a Bitch or You Won’t Get Stuff for Christmas
Olly Old – St Nick Brave Combo
Little “Lambsie” Penn – I Wanna Spend Christmas With Elvis
Leappo (The Frog) – Christmas in Frogville
Ken Barrie – The Christmas Pudding Song
Denis Leary – Merry F–kin’ Christmas
Hunt Sisters – Christmas Piggy
Danny and the Juniors – Candy Cane, Sugary Plum
Gloria Parker – Deck the Halls
V/VM with Garry’s Glitter – Another Cuban Rock’n’Roll Christmas
Bob Rivers – Decorations
Christmas Spacker 2012
Uni and Dr. Trucker – Unicorn Xmas Tradition
Animal – Mullet of Kin’tyres
De Nattergale – Snit a Little Bittle
Moog Machine – Patapan
Business – Step into Christmas
Bob and Doug Mckenzie – The Twelve Days of Christmas
8-Bit Weapon and ComputeHer – Greensleeves (What Child Is This)
Mirror Image – Hark! The Herald Angles Sing
Kristofski – Christmas Wrapping
Terri Gardener – Blackie, the Cat That Talked
Kunt and the Gang – Christmas Clearout, Yuletide Log
Love Machine – The Lonely Hearts Club Christmas
U.S. Arm Band – Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Doc Mo She – Hanukkah Homeboy
Ace Bushy Striptease – Nightmare Before Christmas
Timmy Tom Tom – Icky Icicle
The Amoeba People – Christmas Ferret
Kidz Bop Kidz – Go Christmas!
The Low Countries – Carry on Christmas
Bobby “Boris” Pickett – Monster’s Holiday
Bim – Mincemeat Tart
Bob Rivers – Christmas Party Song
Por and Macho Got Married – My Little Airport
The Drain on the Balcony – Santa Hat
V/Vm – Pipes of Peace Christmas 2001
Christmas Spacker 2013
Quizmonster – Nu det Jul Igen
Radio Orwell – Last Christmas
Vjuan Allure – RUDE OFF 2013
Arthur Lyman – Mary’s Boy Child
Sexbomb Girls – Bakit Papa Christmas Medley
Snapshot – Julemanden Kommer Til Byen
Shonen Knife – Sweet Christmas
Slow Club – Christmas (Thanks for Nothing)
Vector Fields – Silent Night
Jimi and Rene – Rokke og Rulle
Butcher Claws – Winter Wonderland
Kay Martin and Her Bodyguards – I Know What You Want for Christmas
69 Boys and Quad City DJs – What I Want for Christmas
Esquivel – Jingle Bells (Greetings from Esquivel)
The Men that Will Not Be Blamed for Nothing – Ebenezer’s Carol
Slim Dusty – Christmas on the Station
Envelopes – Pink Christmas
Twinkaden – Little Twinkaden
Jenny Talia – I Want a New Set of Tits for Christmas
Jeff and Sue Mitchell – Buzzy the Christmas Bee
Piney Gir – Christmas Time
Robin Guthrie and Harold Budd – Snowfall
Wallpaper – Goodnight
Christmas Spacker 2014
Quintron and Miss Pussycat – Jingle Bell Rock
Crayon Pop – 크레용팝 꾸리스마스
Zombina and the Skeletones – Transylvanian Christmas
DZ Deathrays – Lonely this Christmas
Bjorn Svin + Goodiepal – Robo Santa Claus Breakdown
Bill Cosby – Merry Christmas Mama
Melt-Banana – White Christmas
The Little Stinkers – I Farted on Santa’s Lap
Jakub Szatkowski – Merry Christmas Everyone
Nerf Herder – I’ve Got a Boner for Christmas
Jean-Pierre Massiera – Bonne Année
Hair Stylistics – Sleigh Ride
Sparky’s Magic Piano – The Escape from Aled Jones
Best Friends – When Christmas Comes
The Voluntary Butler Scheme – Quinzhee
Dead Meadow – Mele Kelikimaka
Jingle Dogs – Ding Dong Merrily on High
Steven Diemer – White Christmas
Jimmy Colorado and the Bronco Band – Christmas Shit
Nozomi Sasaki feat. Pentaphonic – Jin Jin Jingle Bell
The Business – Drinking and Driving
Homousexual – Come Take My Hand in Winter
SMEGMA – Happy Holidays
Los Straightjackets – Close to Christmas (The First Noel)
Heat Miser – Heat Miser’s Song
Prof. Broxburn – Days of Christmas
Momoiro Clover Z – Santa-San
Christmas Spacker 2015
Christmas in the Stars – Christmas in the Stars
John Valby – Jingle Balls
Parry Gripp – Disco Christmas in Hamster Land
Carolyn Mark – Song for the Girl with Two of Everything
Mystic89 – Christmas Wishes
Don Lucas – Burrito
Santa – I Like to Give Girls Presents
Archers of Loaf – Assassination on Xmas Eve
Pledge Drive – Christmas Rhapsody
Ferrante Teicher – Brazilian Sleigh Bells
Kunt and the Gang – The 12 Days of Christmas
Les Issambres – Christmas Sucks Anyway, Everything’s Shit
H.B. Radke – Hipster Christmas
Symfunny Orchestra – Dance of the Candy Fairy
C–t C–tly – All I Want for Christmas is You
Cheap Seats – Hitech Santa
The Cast of “Geordie Shore” – A Parsnip in a Pear Tree
Thirsty Dave’s Western Caravan – Psycho
Les Paul – Jungle Bells Dingodongoday
Star Trek TNG – Make it So
The Flamingo 50 – Merry Christmas Everyone
Parry Gripp – Roy the Christmas Potato
Better Off Dead – All I Got for Christmas was Drunk
Afterschool – Love Love Love
Beatnik Filmstars – Ho Ho Ho a Bloody Merry Corportate Christmas
The Icicles – Snowman Song
Merzbow – Silent Night
Christmas Spacker 2016
unknown – A Gay Holiday Christmas Play
Niagra Balls – Don’t be a Dick at Christmas
Starf–ker – F–king Holidays
Red Aunts – Little Drummer Bitch
Danny King and The Elves – We are the Elves and Pixies
Kliff Pilchard – Missingtoe and Whine
Airport Girl – Sleigh Ride
Erin McKeown – Santa is an Asshole
Save Ferris – Christmas Wrapping
Tabbynacle Choir – Caterwaul of the Bells
Jon Spencer – Big Yule Log Boogie
Paul Anka – Christmas in Japan
Tiger San – Christmas Song
The Research – For Christmas I Got Pityriasis Rosea
The Next of Kin – Merry Christmas
Russ Abbott – Christmas with the Spanners
Tom Heinl – Christmas Tree on Fire
The Vacant Lots – No More Christmas Blues
Billygoth featuring Jack Hayter – Xmas Eve in the Pound Shop
Richard Cheese – Richard Cheese’s Birthday Song for Jesus
Graveravens – All i Want for Christmas is You
Mack Rice – Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin’
Freak Nasty – Grandma Got Drunk off of Eggnog
Legendary Tiger Man – F–k Christmas I Got the Blues
Rudd Young – Let’s go Kill us a Christmas Tree
Alex and the Christopher Hale Band – Christmas Party Disaster 2011
Christmas Spacker 2017
Aqua Teen Hunger Force – Frosty the Red-Nosed Snowman
The Kickin’ Kazoos – We Wish You a Merry Christmas
From First to Last – Santapocalypse
Bouncing Czecks – I’m a Little Christmas Cracker
Radio Spot – Colder with Snow
The Primitives – You Trashed My Christmas
Wing – Jingle Bells
Quiet Marauder – All I Got for Xmas was a Bike
Shit Kid – Go Jul Og Kort Hr Overmuch
Beppie Kraft – Wandele in de Snie
Rose Graham – Black Christmas
Goldie Lookin’ Chain – John Lewis Christmas
Bobby Gaylor – Stop Giving Me Crap For Christmas
Steel Panther – Stocking Song
Kunt and the Gang – Have You Seen My Snowman?
The Kendal Mintcake – Why Don’t We Jingle In The Road?
Arnie Aardvark – I Want a Blow-Up Doll for Christmas
Animal – Last Christmess (Pudding Mix)
Candye Kane and Country Dick Montana – Lets Put the “X” back in “Xmas”
Hector Comancho – Chris Cringle
Parry Gripp – Because it’s Christmastime
The Mushy P’s – Vodka Lime and Fanta
Boogerman – Boogermans X-mas Jam
White Ghost Shivers – Santa’s Sack
Yuki Uchida – Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer
Christmas Spacker 2018
Father Christmas – I’ll Bring You Something Horrible
Perry Como – It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas -
Shittyfluted
Jherek Bischoff – O Holy Night
Christmas with Beer – Wrappin’ 4 Xmas
Bobby Lloyd and the Skeletons – Do You Hear What I Hear/You Really Got Me
Ken Stanley – Beer, Beer, Glorious Beer
Smerin’s Antisocial Club – Walking in the Air
Jan Krolzig – O Little Town of Bethlehem
Hard Left – Skinheads Home for Christmas
The Soul Saints Orchestra – Santa’s Got a Bag of Soul
Spinal Tap – We Three Kings
Pond – All I Want for Xmas is a Tascam 388
Wurzels – Come on Santa, Get Yer Act Together
The Black Arts – Christmas Number One
Ray Campi and the Sidekicks – Somebody Took My Teeth on Christmas Evening
Rudolph and the Gang – Here Comes Fatty Claus
Crocodiles/Dum Dum Girls – Merry Christmas Baby Please Don’t Die
Seafang – You Trashed my Christmas
Duover – Under Mistletoe
Peter Alexander – Jingle Bells
Area 25 – Here Come the Christmas Zombies
Margaret Whiting – Mistletoe Kiss Polka
Red Peters and the Hamsters – Holy Shit it’s Christmas